Because We are a Goddess and thus, larger than life, what We sit on is, ipso facto, also larger than life…abundantly, gloriously huge. Enormous. Epic.

All right, all right, spare Us the bootylicious, junk in the trunk, baby-got-back dreck and listen up. What can possibly be the reasoning behind making barstools so dang small and uncomfortable? It seems to Me that you, O Purveyor of Potent Potables, should want a guest to be comfortable so that they might stick around for a while and partake of your consumables and shower upon you their net worth. Right? That is the idea?

So why the 6” wide backless spinning leather Frisbees? Or the rock hard rock solid wooden squares? Without foot rungs! And Wobbly! Or those ridiculous ones made of milk cans and tractor seats. Tree trunks! Diner-counter seats!

Really? Why? Why I say?

OK, let Me answer Me for you, since with all My Goddessy Powers, I can actually hear you yelling this to the screen…they take up less space! They are cheap! They fit the ‘theme’! They are light and moveable!  They sail through the air like the Flying Willenda’s when heaved! (that’s for you bar fighters..), their form follows their function! (that’s for you Bauhausians…) ..and so on.

All valid, but lame, nevertheless, and doing nothing to keep heinies in seats. Some people (OK, Me..) choose where to go based on how comfortable the place is and have actually declined to go to a bar or restaurant because of uncomfortable chairs or booths or flow.

Get some comfortable chairs in your bars and I promise to come in and sit and drink for longer than the 10 minutes of perching uncomfortably like some erstwhile gargoyle on the cheap and cruddy little stool you call seating that I can stand before running screaming from the room. Make sure they have a comfortable wide seat, well placed footrests and a wide and sturdy back. You will keep your guests in those seats and spending money longer.

Now, go back to the first paragraph and sub the word ‘goddess’ for ‘American’ and you will see that it ain’t only the Goddess who might enjoy a little comfort for the kooloo….look around…there is no dearth of bountiful bums in these United States. Make’em happy with good quality, sturdy, comfortable seating. Namaste.